Hot! The Bachelor

0:01 Hoard Of Shrieking Ladies Runs Down Beach An ABC intern must have accidentally left food out. 0:02 Sean Checks Out Some Peeps Dressed Up As Birds Sigh, change back into your suit, Chris Harrison. Bridle these urges. 0:04 Sean Walks Into Palace MADE OF ICE WTF, don't the producers know his abs are allergic to temperatures under 80 degrees? 0:10 Sean Skips Gleefully Down The Beach With His Friends He's like the most eager labrador retriever ever. 0:11 Sean Tries To End It All, Hurls Himself Off Building Oh, wait never mind. It's just a one-on-one date. 0:15 Sean Forces One Of His Ladies To Lurk Under A Waterfall This is Last of the Mohicans all over again. Also, if you don't understand our 90s movie references, we don't understand you. 0:16 ABC Forces Contestants On Terrifying Rollercoaster, Everyone Plummets To Their Doom We can't even imagine the waivers these people had to sign. 0:20 Sean and Catherine Make Out On A Pirate Ship OMG, we love some good ol' fashioned Peter Pan/Captain Hook role playing. 0:24 Sean Laughs Uproariously For No Reason Probably re-living that time If we didn't know better, we'd think he was trying to kill them all. 0:46 Sean And Lady Friend Plunge Into Murky Pool Of Water (aka The Ocean) See what we mean? 0:55 Montage Of Sean Making Out With Various Women Looks like Arie's kissing tips really paid off! 1:12 Everyone Side-Eyes At Each Other In Disgust It's like this house is filled with 26 Lauren Conrads. 1:25 Desiree 's Boyfriend Crashes The Party How. DARE. SHE. 1:28 And, our friendship with her is over. 1:38 AshLee Narcs On Tierra To Sean Duh. Cookie Haters have no place on The Bachelor . 1:48 Tierra Says She's "Above Everyone Else" At the rate she's going, girl is going to find a horse head in her bed. 2:00 The Ladies Get In A Roller Derby Fight This is like the sexy version of that Drew Barrymore movie. 2:17 Tierra Is Whisked Away In An Ambulance While Sobbing Clearly, her adorable Yorkie snuck on set and tried to eat her. 2:25 Montage Of Ladies Ugly-Crying In Various Candlelit Rooms Title speaks for itself. 2:37 Sean Lowe Shed Tender Tears Every time a teardrop falls from his eye, a stud gets its wings. 2:54 Sean Trolls Beach Shirtless Trying to find himself, we assume. Not to mention some clothing. 3:09 Feral Monkey Photobombs Sean's Makeout Session We've named him Emily Maynard. 3:11 Sean Fondles Engagement Ring We do, Sean! WE DO FOREVER.